Confession time: like so many 20 something year old women, I was once a Twihard in my teenaged years. I put aside my love for Harry Potter and picked up Twilight which completely took over my life for several years. I couldn’t wait to read the latest instalments in the series and I just HAD to watch the movies the second that they came out. I still remember watching New Moon with my cousin in theatres and swooning when fit Jacob popped on to the screen. But like so many teenaged girls that came before me, it wasn’t long before I left the sparkly vampires and werewolves in the past and moved on to other things.
Fast forward many years later; I am now 23-24 years old and I’ve decided that I’m going to rewatch the Twilight series from start to finish. Walmart was having a crazy good sale on the blu-ray editions of the movies and I thought, hey, what better time to revisit my Twihard years than now? Little did I know that that innocent question would fuel a strange and powerful wave of nostalgia that I wasn’t quite ready for.
I thought that watching the movies again would just show me how ridiculous, stupid, and corny the movies are. And it did do that for the most part. But it also brought on an obsession that I had not experienced since I was a teenager. I found that I couldn’t stop watching the movies and immersing myself in that world. I knew Bella was a complete moron and the “love” triangle between her, Edward, and Jacob was actually psychotic; but I still found myself sitting on my couch, completely mesmerized by the series. Heck, I sobbed like a baby when Jacob had several ribs broken in Eclipse after their fight with Victoria and the newborns. I felt like I was watching the series through new eyes and these eyes were way more invested than ever before.
Now, it has been three years since I’ve rewatched the series for the first time and I have to admit that it’s still the first on my list when I feel like watching something soul warming (well besides Pride and Prejudice – which you’ll know if you read the post!). I still get excited watching Bella and Edward meet for the first time; hearing Edward play “Bella’s Lullaby” for Bella; and crying while their wedding unfolds before me. Most of all, there is still a sense of sadness whenever I finish the series.
It took me awhile to realize what this sadness was stemming from and then it hit me: I’m heavily nostalgic about the Twilight series because it reminds me of the simpler times of being a teenager. I miss when I thought that a sparkly vampire might “save” me from my dull life or I’d befriend a warm werewolf who was all kinds of right. Yeah, it seems pretty pathetic to think this way at 26 but who hasn’t yearned for easier moments in their life?
I’m constantly worried about my future and whether I’m going to be successful and truly happy with my decisions. And as I inch closer to 30, I’m constantly startled by how much further I am drifting away from being a young teenaged girl who fantasized about a world that would never exist for her but who found joy in that.
I’m not sure how long this nostalgic cycle will last but I hope to enjoy every single moment. Because in the end, this cycle just reminds me that the teenager who loved diamond skinned vampires and an emotional werewolf is still inside. And that’s not a bad thing.
The Film Tease 